Your sexual fetishes disgust me. Truly disgust me.

I'm sorry I don't have a lizard cock or a horse cunt. Oh, and I have tits, and those icky adult hairs, and I'm overweight. And I don't eat live animals. Here, I'll lose fifty pounds, lop my tits off, speak in a falsetto, swallow goldfish and inject my genitals with botox. Would you want to fuck me then?

... Not that it matters. I'm done. I've said that before, I know, but I truly am now. I can't take it any more, and everyone that cares about me says I should've done this months ago. I'm finally listening to those everyone elses.

Wonder how long it'll take you to figure out I've blocked you? I estimate at least two months.

I'm not going to let you ruin this for me, you selfish fuck.

What, you feel miserable, because I realized you're still a misgotten little child that needs to grow the hell up?
Gee, sorry for ruining your day life because I think you ought to grow a pair and deal with your problems.

You passive-aggressive little shit.

Well, you win, I suppose. I'm fed up, I'm tired of dealing with your bull shit. Want me to stop "bitching" at you? Fine, I'm done talking to you at all. I'm sick of dealing with selfish, immature little fucks. I'm just sorry that you turned out to be one of them.

I love you, but sometimes I think talking to you makes me only feel worse.

I wish you cared for me in the same way, or as strongly, as I care for you. It'd make things a lot easier on me, at least. It's selfish, but ... Yeah.

Hmmm. . .

Nope.

Still feeling depressed.

So many things are getting me down these days, so easily. What the hell? Seasonal depression perhaps? I don't know. I'm letting myself get discouraged far too easily, but ... I just can't help it, I guess. Why bother, anyway? My work gets me nowhere. Sure, I'm not half-bad, but everyone else around me is so much better. It's selfish and childish, but it particularly disturbs me that someone I love so dearly is so much more talented than me, and isn't using their talent to create things for me, to please me. Really, now! How awfully self-centered of me! I know. I just can't help it. I guess I'd rather at least hear a "No." than "Some day ..." when I ask for things. Then I won't get false hopes.

This probably wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't so envious and covetous, really. If I didn't become so frustrated so easily. If I wasn't so jealous, and narcissistic, and demanding. If, despite all these things, I didn't feel so fucking alone all the time.

So I come here, to spill my heart to the internet, and whatever parts of it stumble across this and look.

I'm sorry.

I've come to realize I'm one of those freakish unstable people that can feel lonely when laying next to a lover.

I mean, really, brain. What the hell?

I am a tactophile. I like touching things. I suppose plenty of folks do.
Not every touch is sexual, necessarily, or even really pleasant. Plenty are, though!
I believe this is the root of the appeal of body hair to me, especially chest hair on men. To some extent, I think, also why I prefer partners that are a bit overweight. Pudge tends to make very soft, smooth skin. I love to touch and pet a partner's hair; it does not even necessarily have to be soft or silky to be pleasant for me. One partner in particular had very coarse, wiry hair that was always stiff; but it was so inviting to curl my fingers into xir hair and pull on it that way.

I have a tendency often to absentmindedly stroke, touch or pat things. I keep it in check, as in while I may have the urge to pet the flocked seat on the bus; I don't, because that's not quite appropriate. Sitting in the privacy of my own home, however, I'll often sit with a stuffed animal or a particular blanket because it's soft, and touch it from time to time. Or rub my hand, particularly the smooth skin webbing between forefinger and thumb; or run my fingers through my own hair.

Right now, I have a small velvety stuffed animal, it is rather round and fits comfortably in the palm of my hand. I keep picking it up and rubbing my thumb on it in between surfing the internet.